Helpful Do’s to Keep in Mind
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Express your condolences
It’s not easy to come up with the right words for someone who has just lost a loved one. You don’t need to be a poet. Simply saying, “I am sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family”, or “There are no words, I am here for you” is enough. If you can’t be at a funeral service in person, sending a card or leaving a message on a memorial website is a perfect way to express your sympathy.
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Dress Appropriately
Gone are the days of dressing up in all black for a funeral, but jeans and a t-shirt aren’t acceptable either. You should still dress to impress. Try to avoid any bright or flashy colours. Wear what you would wear to a wedding or a job interview.
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Sign the Register Book
The family will keep the register book as a memento for years. Be sure to include your full name and relationship to the deceased. Feel free to leave a message.
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Give a Gift
You don’t need to go overboard with your gift; it is the thought that counts. Suitable gifts include: flowers; a donation to the charity of the family’s choice, or you can make a commitment of service to the family at a later date. A commitment of service can be something as simple as cooking dinner for them, offering to clean up their house, walking the dog, or any of the “little” things that may be neglected while a family deals with death. Make sure you provide a signed card so the family knows who gave the gift.
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Keep in Touch
You may feel that the family needs their space and time to grieve, but a simple phone call or note after the funeral lets the family know you care. With social networking, leaving a quick note is as simple as a click of a mouse. The months following a death are when grieving friends and family need the most support.
Common Don’ts to Remember
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Bring Your Cell Phone
Ringing your phone will be highly inappropriate and cause a disturbance. Turn any ringer or notifications off. Even better, leave your phone at home or in your car. A funeral is not the time to be texting or checking your messages.
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Allow Your Children to be a Distraction
From a very young age, children are aware of death, and if the funeral is for someone who was close to them (grandparent, aunt, uncle), they should be given the option of attending. However, if it is not appropriate for your child to be there, or if you feel they will cause a commotion, it might be best to find appropriate care for them for the day.
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Be Afraid to Remember the Good Times
Funerals are obviously a time of grieving and mourning, but remembering the good times helps with the healing process. Sharing a funny and appropriate story is acceptable and, in some cases, it’s exactly what the deceased would have wanted.
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Overindulge
If food or drink is served, don’t overdo it. Remember that you won’t be the only attendee. If alcohol is served, limit yourself to one or two.